Sperm Shopping and Solo Certainty
By Splash of Salt
As Kitty Flanagan says in her book ‘Bridge Burning’ “childless women between 36 and 43 should not be allowed on internet dating websites. This is the age when a women’s hormones go into overdrive and the ovaries start conducting a fire sale, they are determined to get rid of all the stock before the shop shuts down completely.” She knows how to nail it.
I’m a 39-year-old woman whose best relationship in the past 10 years has been with my passport. Tinder and Bumble did not deliver. I’ve always lived life as if everything would work out. Of course, I would fall in love and have the perfect children with the perfect man. Until I didn’t.
I know I’m not alone. Waiting rooms of fertility clinics show that there are thousands of us in that 36ish - 43ish age group of childless women who all have their own stories of why they’re there. Couples that have gone through heartbreaking highs and lows of fertility treatment. Single women who have recently been through a break-up and who are dealing with shattered hearts and ticking clocks. Others I’m sure are like me. Being single was not conducive to baby-making and time just got away.
I have never been 100% sure I want to go it alone. I’m 70% sure most days but fear of being a sole provider, of not being a good mum and having to ‘go on a break’ with my passport boyfriend is real.
But it appears fire sale hormones are stronger than fear and a late-night online shopping spree bought me some baby batter. Talk about online shopping giving you a high… what a rush! This small vial of genetics was syringed into my cervix by a kind Dr man. Whilst he was lovely, he was not exactly my type and not someone I could ask for a snuggle with post potential conception. The white clinical room, white coat and plastic gloves was not the least bit romantic.
I haven’t managed to fall pregnant yet but trying felt good. Those three weeks after the clinical syringe immaculately (clinical and clean) conception was filled with more than a 70% sense of hope.
So, for the lovely ladies visiting the Brisbane Pregnancy Babies and Children’s Expo who are going through fertility treatment or trying to get some sense of certainty against a ticking clock……. good luck. You’ve got this.
p.s. A few of my favourite humans will be at the expo at the ‘Splash of Salt’ booth so drop in and say hi. They are selling amazing foam mats that look like a designer rug. I’ve laid on one of these mats many times while considering babies or my next travel destination. Hopefully within a year I will have a little one rolling around on one of their gorgeous mats. A baby with a passport. www.splashofsalt.com
Note: The views and advice expressed on this blog post are those of the author and are not representative of the Pregnancy Babies & Children's Expo.